“Spare the rod, spoil the child.”
This used to be a more common phrase in previous decades when it wasn’t frowned upon for parents to spank their children. When I was growing up, it was okay for neighbors, extended family, and teachers to spank children who misbehaved. Today, merely touching a child too firmly could land you in trouble with the police and Social Services.
This saying is not in the Bible, though there is a verse that closely matches it. The above form is actually a quote from Samuel Butler, a 17th century poet. He wrote a satire about what he believed was the religious hypocrisy of the Puritans of his day. He no doubt used Proverbs 13:24 as his source:
“Whoever spares the rod hates their children,
but the one who loves their children is careful to discipline them.”
So let’s get to the real question here – is the Bible condoning harsh physical discipline of your children? For those that use this saying or verse to justify it, they don’t know their Bible, and this can be proven with another verse.
Let’s look at Psalm 23:4b for another example of this controversial object: “…your rod and your staff, they comfort me” (emphasis added). A rod is used by a shepherd to guide, protect, discipline, and rescue sheep who are straying, not obeying or in need of rescue. Wouldn’t you agree that this is our calling as parents and adults, to guide children in the way they should go and to protect them?
To summarize, God is not condoning violence in Proverbs 13:24. On the contrary, He has the children’s best interests at heart. The reality is that we cannot leave children to raise themselves. They do not know what’s best, so they need guidance, discipline, correction, and love.
Here’s another helpful passage:
“A rod and a reprimand impart wisdom, but a child left undisciplined disgraces
its mother. When the wicked thrive, so does sin, but the righteous will see
their downfall. Discipline your children, and they will give you peace;
they will bring you the delights you desire.”
Proverbs 29:15-17
